Lentil Sliders

A friend of mine wanted to make an eHarmony profile so I decided to also — strictly to be a supportive friend, of course.  The form is an online survey, with little bubbles you can fill in on a graded scale.  The problem is, most of the questions are more complicated than those in my Step 1 exam.  Exhibit A:

Then they got serious with questions about character and personality.  Unfortunately, I was crashing from a Phoenix Coffee caffeine buzz, so this only made me angry.  Exhibit B:

Just when I thought I was nearing the end, when I had been through hundreds of questions cutting deep into the core of my being, I looked at the status bar:

ENOUGH.  Seriously.  I don’t have the patience to learn what eHarmony thinks about me.  And besides, if you really want a personality profile, all you have to do is spend time with me in the kitchen.  This is why I present to you: the Braised Anatomy eHarmonizer eBlender 2000!  For a small fee you can take a short quiz that will help you find your perfect match.  Or, at least, a good cooking partner.  See a sample below.

Millions of readers have found their perfect partner with the eBlender.  And we hope you enjoy the love of your life, even if it only ends up being the recipe.

Ingredients

• 3/4 cup of uncooked lentils.  Rinse them, then boil them until al dente, then drain them.
• 4 Tbsp of olive oil, heated in a skillet and then used to fry the cumin seeds
• 1 tsp of cumin seeds for 30 seconds
• 1 tsp ground cumin
• 1 tsp ground coriander
• 1 tsp chili powder
• 1 egg
• 1/3 cup bread crumbs (I used Italian)
• 4-5 cloves garlic, minced fine
• salt as needed
• As a sauce: not pictured, but a yogurt sauce such as Tzatziki would suit nicely.  It needs sauce, the burgers may be a little dry on their own (vs. meat burgers)

Food processor time!  Dump everything into the bowl of the food processor, and blend until some of the lentils are smooth and some of the lentils are merely broken.  I added about 1/3 cup water at the end to get the mush to move around the processor properly.  Then dump the mixture into a bowl.  Use your hands to shape the mixture into 8 small patties.  At this point, you can either lightly fry it in a skillet on both sides (much like a regular burger patty) or lightly spray a cookie sheet with non-stick cooking spray and freeze it.  Later on these patties can be transferred to a zipper bag for long-term storage.

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